chronicles

revelation

2011-02-06T10:18:00.000-08:00

They both leaned towards each other, trying to speak over the loud music that was booming from the nearby speakers.
"You know, I want to tell you something," she said to him. "But you have to promise me you won't get..."
"Promise you I won't get what?" he asked as he swilled his beer.
She exhaled a plume of white smoke from her mouth. "Promise you won't get weird," she said.
"Deal!"
"Well, the thing is, one of the reasons why I left town so suddenly that time was... I don't know how to say this. Well, you know, I used to..." She paused to sip her drink.
"You used to what?" he asked curiously.
A nervous laugh slipped her mouth. "I used to... have feelings for you," she said, not quite meeting his peering eyes. "And one of the reasons I left was because you sort of broke my heart."
He kept quiet but not discouragingly.
"I was having a rough time that year. First I got sacked from my job and then there was that thing with my parents," she continued. "So when I heard you were going out with that girl I felt like I had enough and needed to disappear for a while," she finished her words with a shrug.
He took a deep breath as she anxiously waited for his respond.
"I knew that, Karen," he said.
His answer took her by surprise. "Wait. What? You knew?"
"Yeah. I did," he said as he reached out for his cigarette on the bar. "Somebody told me. I forgot who but it was one of the guys."
She took a deep drag out of her cigarette, not believing what she just heard. "Wow. Why didn't you say something then?"
His face scrunched for a second, thinking. "Well, I thought I'd better not and it was best to let you leave," he explained. "You know, if it makes you feel better. I'd rather see you go for a short period of time than having to lose you altogether as a friend."
The way he said it, as-a-matter-of-factly, sent a comforting warmth all over her body. "Fair enough then," she said, smiling.
"Why are you telling me this now?" he asked.
"I don't know," she said. "I guess I just don't want to keep any secrets from you, and now that I'm able to look back and laugh at what happened, I feel it is time to let you know."
He let out a big laugh. "You're weird, you know that?" He said.
She laughed along with him.
"So we're okay now, right?" she asked.
"We're great," he said.
"Friends?" she asked again, holding out her hand to him.
"Always will," he answered, taking her hand and giving it a very warm, friendly squeeze.

togetherness

2010-10-07T00:09:00.000-07:00

She wept quietly.

He reached out for her hand and gave it a friendly squeeze as if to tell her to hold on and that everything was going to be okay.

Silent comfort crept over her aching heart as she realized she had him by her side.

conversation

2009-10-16T08:54:00.000-07:00

They sat on the roof. Each was busy with their wandering minds.

“Aren’t you tired?” he suddenly asked.
“Tired of what?” she asked him back.
“Of being alone.”
She inhaled her cigarette, thinking.
“I’m pretty much content with being invisible,” she finally said.
“Don’t you ever get lonely?”
“Sometimes,” she answered, shrugging. “Though not so much lately.”

“While we’re on that subject,” she said after a momentarily silence, “I just wanna say thanks,” her eyes staring at the flare of a burning cigarette in her hand. “Thanks for being my friend.”
“Aww,” he said jokingly as he warmly wrapped his arms around her shoulder and gave her a little friendly shake.
“And now I’m crying,” she said, laughing while reaching out to wipe the tears from her eyes.
“It’s okay,” he said, “We all need to vent sometimes.”

Then they sat there quietly with each other, gazing at the dark blue sky.

broken

2009-08-16T07:43:00.000-07:00

BANG!
She wakes with a start.

BANG!
She jumps out of the bed.

BANG! BANG! BANG!
Somebody is at her door, banging it with an almighty force as if trying to break it.

She unlocks the keys and opens the door to find an agitated face stands before her at the wee time of the morning.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” she asks worryingly.
“Karen,” he says anxiously, “Mac and I…” He stops, looking more and more agitated, “Mackenzie and I are no longer.” Then he breaks down into tiny painful, little sobs.

rain (alternate version)

2009-07-23T00:42:00.000-07:00

The secluded coffee shop was almost empty except for a few people. It was almost eleven and despite the rain that’s been pouring in a steady drizzle, the weather was humid. She reached for her cigarette in her bag while he played around with his drink. For a moment they sat in silence busy with their own thoughts.

“It was just a dream,” he said, breaking the silence. “I’m sure it didn’t mean anything.”

“Yeah, I know,” she said, a cloud of white smoke floated away from her mouth.

“So why are you so upset?” he asked.

Her cigarette crackled as she inhaled it. “He was in it.”

“It’s been a year, Karen”

She flicked the ashes from her cigarette onto the ashtray, “I know. It’s just that…” she didn’t finish her sentence.

“It’s just what?” he asked.

She didn’t answer. She took another breath of her cigarette and stared into space.

“It’s just what?” he asked again.

She looked at him. Trying to get the word out.

He stared deeply at his friend. Comprehension was dawning on him. He knew what was coming.

“I miss my best friend,” she said again, sighing.

Kevin said nothing.

Outside, the rain had stopped.

birthday

2009-06-20T14:06:00.000-07:00

A yellow glow filled up the room as I turned the lights on. I threw my bags and keys onto the bed, kicked off my shoes and headed for the bathroom.

I put on a pair of shorts and an old t-shirt, my body warmed from the hot shower. The opened window had let cool soft breeze in to the room. I pulled open a drawer and took a square plastic CD case. I opened the case, took the CD out, put it in the stereo and sat down on the middle of the carpeted floor of my room.

I lit a cigarette and pushed the play button on the remote control I held in my hand. Seconds later a crackling and whooshing noise flowed from the speaker. Then, came a voice.

Hi Karen, it said. Happy birthday! I’m, uh, sorry I can’t think of anything better to give you. But I guess it’s the thought that counts. So, yeah, happy birthday. And, um, hope you’ll enjoy this.

The voice faded and soon replaced by the guitar keys from one of my favourite song. “And anything to make you smile, It is a better side of you to admire,” I hummed along at the words.

I stared at the case I held in my hand. It had an abstract hand drawn picture on its cover. “Happy birthday, Karen,” I whispered to myself. A cold wave of sadness hit me as I realized the CD was the last gift he ever gave.

letters

2009-06-18T12:35:00.000-07:00

From: Miss Modular
Subject: some things and others
To: The Postman

Hey,
I went out with the two M earlier. We went to see the movie you and I talked about yesterday as per your recommendation. I gave it thousands thumbs up. Well, except maybe for that scene at the end. But maybe it was necessary.

I like the way they created a whole new different plot so the movie itself can stand on its own and not as a part of an instalment but yet still has a correlation with the previous ones. And I finally understand why it brings out your sentimental side. It was that scene right? The one with the man. Yeah, I cried on that one.

Anyway, I better get some rest. I’m planning to get up early tomorrow.

Take care!

-K-

From: The Postman
Subject: Re: some things and others
To: Miss Modular

I knew you'd like the movie. I told you so, didn’t I? I agree about the plot. It will not confuse people who didn’t follow the instalment but satisfying enough for the die-hard fans—like me, who even felt very sentimental, didn’t cry at that particular scene (you wuss!).

How are the Ms? Haven’t heard from them in quite a while. Say hi to them from me.

By the way, you okay?

From: Miss Modular
Subject: Re: some things and other
To: The Postman

Yeah, I’m okay. Why?

-K-
ps: It’s perfectly alright for me to cry at movies. I’m a girl!

From: The Postman
Subject: Re: some things and others
To: Miss Modular

Your last text—It sounded strange. You also told me there is something you’d like to talk about. And I know what you had in mind wasn't the movie.

From: Miss Modular
Subject: Re: some things and others
To: The Postman

Oh yeah, about that text message. Yeah, it’s not the movie I wanted to talk to you about. It’s some other thing. But let’s just drop it.

-K-

From: The Postman
Subject: Re: some things and others
To: Miss Modular

Are you sure?

From: Miss Modular
Subject: Re: some things and others
To: The Postman

Absolutely!

-K-

From: The Postman
Subject: Re: some things and others
To: Miss Modular

Alright, then. If you say so. I’ll be around if you change your mind.

From: Miss Modular
Subject: Re: some things and others
To: The Postman

I know you will.
Thanks!

-K-

slight return

2009-06-17T23:20:00.000-07:00

“I’ll be right there,” she said before hanging up the phone. Karen stared at the receiver for a moment, then without any hesitation she jumped out of her bed.

The digital watch on her wrist showed it was already past midnight. Karen placed the gear to drive and hit the accelerator. Soon she was cruising along the highway, her car moving at a steady speed. It wasn’t long before she arrived at the empty parking lot of the two-storey motel. Karen got out of the car and hurried for the stairs.

He opened the door after one knock. She smiled at the sight of him in boxer shorts and white t-shirt, his short hair in its usual state of messiness. “That was fast,” he said, stepping aside to let her in. Karen just shrugged.

She watched quietly as he took two cans of beer out from the fridge. Beaming lights from the TV set illuminates his tired face. He passed her a can then slumped down next to her. “So, what brings you back?” she asked.
“I’ve got some things to do,” he said.
“What things?”
“This and that,” he said.

There was a tone of sadness in his voice. Karen threw him a searching look but he just turned the TV volume up instead. Taking it as sign not to probe, Karen drank her beer and turned her gaze to the television set.
“You should quit, you know,” he suddenly said when Karen lit a cigarette. Karen stared at the cigarette she was holding. “I’ll think about it,” she said, shrugging. They said nothing else to each other as they sat there side by side, watching images from a movie flashed before their eyes for the rest of the night.

The silence was broken only when tiny glints of orange burst slowly from behind the closed curtain. Dawn had come. He turned the TV off. “Breakfast?” he asked to Karen. “Yeah, okay,” she said. They got up, put on their jackets and walked out to the stillness of the morning

mend

2008-12-29T12:45:00.000-08:00

She held the piece of paper tightly in her hand. A neatly written message was scribbled across it, a sincere, simple message.

I’m sorry.

That was all he said.

the funeral

2008-12-29T12:04:00.000-08:00

Karen woke up to a grey morning. Cold breeze tapped quietly on her window. No sign of the sun or its warmth. Vaguely, she changed her clothes and went outside to embrace the gloominess.

Forest of umbrellas splashed with tiny drizzles greeted her as she stepped out of the car. Her friends huddled underneath. They welcomed her with silent helloes. A particular look was cast upon their faces. Was it pitty? She asked herself.

The scent of wet grass filled the air. Karen stood motionless, staring at her feet. Then, her eyes caught a glimpse of a familiar silhouette standing next to her. His hair was as short and messy as she remembered. And his eyes shone with a warm, friendly twinkle. He was wearing his favourite grey sweater. The one he wore when she first met him. He was walking away.

She grabbed the back of his sweater. “Do you really have to go?” she said to him.
“I’m afraid I must,” he said without turning his back. His voice strangely sounded like an echo.

She let go and watched him went further away with each step he took until his figure vanished into nothingness.

“Karen!” Kevin’s voice startled her. She looked up and saw the gathered masses had already broke up. “Let’s go.”

Karen bid her goodbye and left.

parting

2008-12-29T11:02:00.000-08:00

It was only minutes until his departure. We stood face to face. An unbearable silence cast upon us. The fluorescent light shone brightly along the corridors. People walked by in a hurry.
“Well,” he said, “this is it then.”
I looked up to him, trying to smile.
“Goodbye, Karen,” he said, stepping forward with an outstretched arms.
“Be good”, he whispered in my ears as he hugged me.
“I always am,” I whispered back.
He let go, picked up his bag and walked away.
I watched him as his figure slowly disappear amongst the ocean of people.

saturdays

2008-12-28T08:01:00.000-08:00

“C’mon!” they called to me, pulling my hand. They were all smiles and laughs. I followed them into the haze and booming music inside. It was a Saturday night.

We went straight to the bar. They were still laughing. I scanned the room while the bartender took my order. Moments later we were dancing underneath the gleaming lights, to an upbeat tune, holding on to our own concoction of choice. Mine, like always, was beer.

It was already my third bottle when from the corner of my eye I saw him came in. His group of friends followed. I paused for a moment, enjoying his usual grand entrance. I lit a cigarette and went on dancing.

We stood on one corner. The glasses in our hand have been conveniently refilled. I let my eyes move from one side to the other. Quietly watching those in the room. The cigarette box in my hand got lighter as the clock ticks. Suddenly, they pulled me towards the dance floor again.

Staggering, I joined the moving crowd on the glistening floor. Smog flowed over our heads. Our bodies jerk with each stomping beat, as it grew louder. A few steps away, he was huddled with his friends, seemingly oblivious to my presence. I stole glances at his direction with every movement I took. Then our gaze met. For a fraction of second, his mouth curled into a smile. Followed by a nod of acknowledgement that only I could see. Seconds later it was gone and he was back huddling with his friends. I turned to my friends and joined them in their laughter.

He and I went our separate ways.

drive

2008-12-27T09:30:00.000-08:00

The road stretches endlessly before her eyes, a vast field of green on either side of it while the sky is bright with blues and whites. She holds a cigarette on her hand, staring straight ahead. The wind coming from an open window tousles her already messy hair. On her right side, he drives. Shifting the gears every now and then, slowly increasing the speed. No words are spoken.

She said it was all make-belief.
But I thought you said maple leaves.
And when she talked about the fall,
I thought she talked about the season.
I never understood at all.
I thought she said maple leaves.
And when she talked about the fall,
I thought she talked about Mark E Smith.
I never understood at all.
Sings the man on the CD playing on the stereo. His voice and words fills the silence between them.

She chuckles at the words.
“What? He asks.
“Nothing,” she answers, still chuckling. “It’s just this song… The words are so funny.”
He laughs. “Yeah. Imagine being in their position,” he says while his hand searches for his cigarette.
“Goodness,” she sighs, handling him the pack of cigarette lying on the dashboard.

They lit their cigarettes, laughing together. The road before them still stretches endlessly. The vast field of green on either side slowly fades, as the blue sky loses its brightness and turns orange. They have a long way to drive.

strange meeting

2008-12-26T11:36:00.000-08:00

“Ouch!” A girl slams me on the shoulder as I walk in to the house. She goes away before I get the chance to see her face. She doesn’t even say sorry. Some attitude. I shake my head and push my way through a sea of people.

I look around the room. Unfamiliar faces pass by. A dark wooden table stands alone in one corner, colorful, rainbow-like cans upon it. I walk up to the table and grab a can. Seconds later a cool, bitter liquid runs down my throat. From the corner of my eye, I see a tall, lanky figure in grey sweater enters the room. Heads turn as he walks in with a bottle of beer in one hand and cigarette in the other. He nods to his friends and sits down with them. I watch him as he laughs and talks. He glances at my direction. For a moment our gazes meet. I break away, taking a pack of cigarette out from my pocket and go outside.

The girl with the loneliest eyes is coming down the road. A voice amidst jangling guitar flows from inside the house. I rest my back on the cold brick wall and stare to the darkening sky, feeling slightly taken aback by the song. I inhale the cigarette in my hand, a quiet sigh slips through my lips. “It’s beautiful isn’t it?” says a voice. I look up and see the tall, lanky figure in grey sweater leaning against the wall beside me, a cigarette hung from his lips. “Yeah, it is,” I said. We stand there side by side in silence. Letting the song fills our ears and minds until it fades. He puts out his cigarette and turns to me, smiling. “It’s nice to know someone here can appreciate good music,” he says and leaves. I watch him as he disappears into the crowding house.

As the night grows late, the house become more and more packed. The buzzing sounds of people talking turn louder. I choose to leave. Somebody taps me on the shoulder as I reach for the door. It’s him. “Leaving?” he asks. I smile and nod. He smiles back and opens the door for me. I thank him and start walking. “Hey,” he shouts, “what’s your name?” I turn around, laughing. “Karen,” I shout back. “It’s nice meeting you, Karen,” he waves and closes the door. I walk along the empty street, smiling.

crush

2008-10-27T06:23:00.000-07:00

The room of white and green are now almost empty. Lines of aisle and rows of table left unkempt. On the far side of the room a blinking computer screen illuminates his tired face, a cigarette in his mouth. Thin white smoke swirls gently from underneath the gray hoodie covering his head. His hand moves delicately, working the mouse up and down.

After a while he gets up, arms out stretched. Yawning, he then spots a can of beer standing on the desk next to his. Without hesitation he reaches for it. Seconds later a popping sound echoes through the silent air. He finishes the entire can in a go then throws it to the nearby bin along with other trash. He lowers his hoodie, his dark hair ruffled. A distorted sound breaks the silence as he turns his speaker up. From the other side of the room, she is slowly getting up from her chair. A big canvas bag slings heavily on her shoulder.

“Bye, James,” she says to him as she passes his table. “Bye, Karen,” he waves then turns back to his computer. “Why are you so far away, she said,” his lips moving slightly as he mumbles the words of the song he's playing. “Why won’t you ever know that I’m in love with you? That I’m in love with you.”

She disappears behind the white and green walls. Taking the words with her inside her heart.

blackout

2008-10-26T07:04:00.000-07:00

The room was starting to spin. Images of people walking by went on in a blur. Karen felt her head pound with each step she took on the wooden floor. She wiped her sweaty neck, feeling extremely warm inside the air-conditioned warehouse. She was flushed. Through a big glass window she could see Kevin waving his hand, motioning her to get out. Karen put down the empty bottle in her hand, grabbed a new one and went outside.

It was even warmer outside. Karen strode towards a wooden bench where Kevin was sitting. Hordes of giggling girls kept stumbling upon her way. Her worn-out grey t-shirt soaked. She took a sip of her beer and walked again.

There was an empty spot right next to Kevin. She sat down and fumbled for her cigarette. Where the fuck is it, she thought to herself as she rummaged through her bag. “Here,” he suddenly said, handling a pack of cigarette. She took one and lit it. A cloud of white smoke floated around as she emptied her beer bottle.

A man in black and white passed by, carrying a tray of glasses filled with sparkling liquids. Karen took one of the glasses and downed the content in one take. Her face getting redder with each drink she drank.

Kevin was saying something. Karen felt her lips move to answer but she couldn’t make out the words coming out from her mouth. She saw him laughed. The sound of his laughter echoed in her ears, his face slowly dissolving. Then everything went black.

words

2008-10-24T11:11:00.001-07:00

I look up to see tiny sparkling lights that make the dome look like a night sky. Flashing lights shoot from every corner as the band takes their place on the stage. The excitement grows as the music starts. Everyone seem like they’re having a good time.

I glance aside and see him jumping up and down. He grins and I smile back.

“In time we might walk a straight line, but with memories of a grapevine.” We stand there side by side, singing along to the song. He puts one arm around my shoulders then whispers the words in my ears, “yours is mine, we’ll find love, the kind we’re dreaming of.” I give him a quick hug, smiling. We are having fun.

an evening

2008-07-29T12:55:00.000-07:00

The street was unusually empty. There was nobody else in the car but them. She fumbles with the stack of CDs she held in her hand while he drove. She settled with an old B.R.M.C record. “Quite right for the night, I supposed,” she said to him. He just chuckled and nodded.

The glistening rays of yellow from the streetlights followed as they cruise along. Quiet for some time in the midst of distorted sound of the music. She stole a glance at him. A silhouette of tall lanky figure swam across her eyes. He hasn’t changed. His hair was still messy and tousled only shorter. He still wore black in every occasion and always accompanied by a pair of black Vans sneakers. His hands were as frail looking as she remembered, the hand of a guitar virtuoso.

They talked in between. He was not as conversational back then. She was kind of surprised with this new discovery. As if he was opening a window to his heart and soul for her. He ranted about almost anything as he shifted the gears.

She looked at him again. How I used to long for moments like these, she thought to herself, a time alone with him. But it was then. She couldn’t care less now. She smiled at her own thoughts.

“Why are you smiling?” he asked.
She jumped a little. He caught her by surprise.
“Was I smiling?” she asked him back.
“Yeah. You were,” he said.
She grinned. “It was nothing,” she said.

They were friends now. And that’s all that mattered.

a letter

2008-05-20T09:37:00.000-07:00

When routine bites hard and ambitions are low and resentment rides high but emotions won’t grow. The deep voice running softly from her iPod filled her mind. She turned up the volume and lit a cigarette, staring into the clear blue sky. She was alone in the cold calm of the morning.

She opened her brown, canvas bag and took out a leather bound journal. After sipping her latte, she began to write.

Dear You,
Nothing has change since you left, only just a bit lonelier. They’re being nice to me. I can see it. And I appreciate what they’re trying to do. Really. It’s just that things are not the same anymore without your jokes, your laughs, and your words. I don’t know how your absence can make all the difference. Maybe it’s just me. I don’t know.
Why did you have to go?
Why did you have to leave?

Something pearly and wet rolled down on her cheek. She was crying. She stopped writing for a while to wiped the tears away. She lit another cigarette. Taking a deep breath, she finished her letter.

I really wish you were here.
Your lonely friend,
Karen.

She closed the journal, put away the cigarette in her hand, got up and walked away, leaving the park completely empty.

quarrel

2008-02-14T03:39:00.000-08:00

The house was empty. A Harry Potter book was propped open on the coffee table, unread. Next to it was a box of cigarette and a lighter. I sat alone on an old brown sofa, staring into a beat up silver-y mobile phone I held in my hand. I just finished talking to him on the phone.

***

“What exactly do you want?” I heard him asked as soon as I picked up the phone.
“Huh?” I asked him back, confused.
“At first, your idea of going out somewhere sounded good,” he said, “but when you told me you have no idea where to go it just didn’t make any sense.”
“And?”
“And I’d rather finish my work. I got tons of them.”
“Yeah, I understand. It’s cool,” I said.
“No, it’s not”
I took a deep breath. Where is he going with this? , I thought to myself.
“Why?” I asked.
“It’s just…” He stopped mid-sentence.
For a moment there were silence between us. I waited for him to continue.
“I don’t understand you,” suddenly he yelled. “We’ve been friends for years and I still can’t understand the way you think.”
He paused for a second and then continued, “You’re weird, very weird. And not to mention introverted,” he said with a very cynical tone.
Then there was another moment of silence. I guess he was waiting for me to say something.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
I heard him let out an impatiently deep breath.
“Sorry for what?” he asked.
“I… don’t… know”. I was starting to get scared.
“Don’t say you’re sorry if you feel you’ve done nothing wrong,” his voice suddenly sounded calm, “I may have yelled at you and you’d probably think I’m angry but the truth is, I’m not.”
I didn’t know what to say so I kept quiet.
“Is there anything else you want to say?” he asked.
I shook my head and then realized he couldn’t see me. But he didn’t seem to care.
“Well, if there isn’t… Bye.” He hung up.

***

I got up and went upstairs. The room was messy like always. Unmade bed covered with clothes and books stood on one side. I opened up the wardrobe and took out a duffel bag. I randomly grabbed my clothes and crammed them into the bag. I have to go, I thought, it’s the only right thing to do. When everything I need was packed, I slung the bag onto my shoulder, grabbed my sneakers and left the house.

happiness

2008-01-20T21:19:00.000-08:00

"Don't worry," he said, "you'll find your happiness."
She kept her silence.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't be it," he said again, his image slowly fading.
She smiled, closed her eyes then shook her head.

Karen woke up into the darkness of her room.
"But you were," she whispered, her voice breaking. "For a brief moment, you were..."

arrival

2008-01-01T21:57:00.000-08:00

Sea of faces were starting to crowd the arrival lounge. It was still early in the morning but the air of happiness is palpable as people were being reunited after being apart from their loved ones for some time.

He drank the last bits of the latte he held in his hands, excitement growing inside of him. He threw the empty paper cup to a bin and walked across the parking lot.

The sliding glass door opened before him. As he rushed inside, he spotted a familiar chubby figure emerging from behind a big white wall, wrapped in thin white t-shirt and jeans. A searching look cast upon her tired face. He jumped and called her name then ran to greet her.

She heard someone calling her name. She turned around and saw him jumping up and down, waving in the distance. Quickly, she pushed the trolley to where he was standing, the tired feeling soon forgotten.

“Hey,” he said as they came to each other. “It’s good to see you.”

She smiled. “Yeah, I know. I miss you too.”

He smiled back, taking the trolley from her hand and started pushing it towards the sliding glass door with her walking next to him. The two friends were no longer separated by time and space.

sunrise

2008-01-01T21:33:00.000-08:00

He turned around when he heard the door to the rooftop being closed and smiled when he saw me walking up to him with two cups of coffee in my hand.

“Hey,” he said.

I smiled back and handed one of the cups to him.

The dark blue horizon was slowly turning light. The twinkling stars were fading as a greenish tinge erased them from the sky. I sat on a beach chair he had brought and lit a cigarette. A breeze of morning wind broke the stillness. Tangerine rays were now filling up the sky. He turned to me.

“Come here,” he said.

I got up and stood beside him.

“Happy new year, Karen” he said as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

A feeling of comfort bundle inside me as I watched the first sunrise of that year with my best friend.

rain

2007-12-16T22:45:00.000-08:00

The secluded coffee shop was almost empty except for a few people. It was almost eleven and despite the rain that’s been pouring in a steady drizzle, the weather was humid. She reached for her cigarette in her bag while he played around with his drink. For a moment they sat in silence busy with their own thoughts.

“I’m sure she’s just busy,” he said, breaking the silence. “I’m sure she has no intention of ignoring you.”

“Yeah, I know,” she said, white wispy smoke floated away from her mouth.

“Have you tried to contact her?” he asked.

Her cigarette crackled as she inhaled it. “Not really.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“She’s busy.”

“There, you know she’s busy. Why complain then?”

She flicked the ashes from her cigarette onto the ashtray, “It’s just that…” she didn’t finish her sentence.

“It’s just what?” he asked.

She didn’t answer. She just inhaled her cigarette and stared into space.

“It’s just what?” he asked again.

She looked at him. Trying to get the word out.

“Three months is quite a long time, you know," she answered.

He kept quiet, but comprehension was dawning on him. He stared deeply at his confused friend. He knew there were more to come.

“I miss my best friend,” she said again, sighing.

Kevin said nothing, instead he reached out and patted Karen’s head.

Outside, the rain had stopped.

home

2007-12-14T05:52:00.000-08:00

Twinkling eyes behind a pair of glasses greeted her as she opened the front door. A smile soon followed. It’s been months since the last time she saw him but he still looks exactly the same. She smiled back at him. And then they left.

The night sky was clear. From inside his car, she could see the streetlights rolled back in a blur. She rolled down her window to let the cool wind blew softly through her ruffled wavy hair. They laughed and talked all the way to the place. Somewhere along the way she gave him the brown leather bound Charles Dickens book she had bought him. He was blown away with her small gift. “Thanks,” he said. Then they talked and laughed a little bit more.

The place was crowded with people like it always did on a Saturday night. Bright colors flashed before her eyes as people went past her. She sat a couple of seats away from him, surrounded with faces she missed. She smiled to herself and joined the lots of her friends. There were stories to tell. And more laughter came in between. It was old times all over again.

The night came and went. She felt tired as the clock stroke twelve.

“Do you want to go home?” He asked, as if reading her mind.

“Yes,” she answered.

She gathered her things and got up. After goodbyes were bid, they left their friends.

The journey home was filled with silence. They both were tired. But it was a comforting silence.
He parked his car in front of her house. She bid him her last goodbye for the night. She unbuckled her seat belt and slide towards him. He opens his arm and welcomed her hug.

“Nice seeing you again,” she whispered as she let go, “thank you.”

She got out from the car and watched him drove away.

It was nice to be back home.

the passing year

2007-12-14T03:05:00.000-08:00

Chatter and music welcomes her as she enters the house. She makes her way through the crowding foyer. Stopping every now and then when she comes across familiar faces. It’s nothing special. It’s only another party. Just like any other party she has ever been to.

A big, square wooden table stands alone in the corner of a room. Rows of radiant cans and bottles sit upon it. Orange. Red. Green. Just like a rainbow, along with bags of chips in Yellows and Blues. She stares at them. Contemplating. She never knew picking up a drink could be this hard. She chooses to settle down with a silver-ish green. The can makes a wheezing sound as she pops it open. In a gulp, the cold bitter liquid runs down her throat, washing away the thirst and dryness. Suddenly her ear catches the indistinct sound of her favorite song being played.

Words like violence break the silence, come crashing in into my little world. The deeply alluring but muffled singing guides her from one room to another. She runs. Faces go past her eyes in a blur. Then the indistinct music becomes clear. She has reached the room where people listen instead of talk.

She joins the silent crowd in their quietness. Allowing song after song fills her mind. For a minute there she loses herself. A figure in grey wakes her up from her temporary daze.

Heads turn as he walks in, cigarette in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other. A grey sweater covers his tall and lanky figure. She never thought she’d see him at this party. His days of partying were over, or so he said. She watches him lean against the wall. With a delicate move, he puts the cigarette in his mouth. The cigarette crackles as he inhales it. Seconds later, a sea of wispy clouds covers his face when he blows the smoke out. Captivating. Just like how she remembered.

He looks up and sees her. They exchange glances, which only they can see to acknowledge each other’s presence. No words are spoken. Then he turns around to go one way while she goes another. They go their separate ways like they always did.

When the chatter turns meaningless and the music is fading, familiar faces grow strange. She feels dizzy and decides to leave. She walks towards the door. Her worn-out, black converse sneakers make a squeaking noise with each step she takes on the wooden floor. A beautiful tendril-shaped, iron-wrought handle awaits her on the front door. As she tries to reach it, another hand grabs it from behind her. She turns around. It’s him.

“I’ll walk you.” That’s all he says.

They walk together along the dim pavement. No one is with them except for the empty streets. The wind breezes in between, posting a note into the silence. After a while he stops.

“What is it?” she asks.

Instead of answering, he wraps his lean arms around her. It’s a harmless brotherly hug. And he says, “Let it all go, Karen.” The words float softly from his mouth into her ears.

“Do I really have to?” she asks.

He just looks at her. And in his warm gaze, she finds the answer.

Something wet and pearly rolls down on her cheeks. Then the image of him dissolves into the dark…

***

Karen woke up with a jerk. Her face wet with tears. She was crying in her sleep. That was just a dream, she said to herself as she wiped the tears away. Sighing, she went out. A smiling picture of her with a tall, lanky figure in grey sweater stood on her bedside table. It has been a year since he died.

through

2007-12-13T01:30:00.000-08:00

The yellowish streetlight shines dimly over two figures sitting down on the pavement. Creating a strange silhouette in the cold windy night. A distant light shine from the cigarette she has in her mouth. Smoke occasionally drifts every now and then. On her left side, a half full bottle of beer stands comfortably within reach. On her right side he is playing around with her cigarette lighter.

She lets out a deep heavy breath. He reaches his hand out to pat her head.

“I know I’ll get through this,” she says. “It’s not nearly as painful as what I went through last year.”

“It’s not as painful but it is still painful,” he says.

She looks at him. “I just can’t understand why it keeps happening.”

He looks back at her. “Be patient. Beautiful things can come from the dark.”

Karen sighs and reaches for her beer. “Beer is the best remedy for a broken heart,” she says then takes a sip.

Kevin just laughs and hugs her.

twilight

2007-12-13T01:26:00.000-08:00

She fumbled through her bag, looking for a lighter. In her mouth a cigarette is waiting to be lit.

She found the lighter and lit her cigarette. Soon she was swimming in a sea of smoke. She turned her attention to her mobile phone, a beat up silver gadget that has been an important part of her life. She searched for a name. A particular name she had in mind. It was there. But she didn’t press the call button. She stared at the name and number. It seemed waiting to be dialed. She hesitated. But then…
Oh, fuck it, she thought and hastily pressed the call button.

“Hello?” A voice she learned by heart picked up.
“Hey, it’s me.”
“Oh, hey!” He sounded surprised. “How are you?”
“Not good.”
“Yeah, I heard what happened.”
“Hmm…”
“Are you okay?”
“Trying to be… But it’s just so hard.”
“I know.”
"I just don't know what to do.”
“It’ll be over soon.”
“I hope so.”
“Don't do anything stupid."
"I won't"
"And Karen..."
"Yes?"
"Just hang in there, okay?"
"I will. Thanks"
"No worries."

They hung up.

She let out a deep breath, feeling relieved as if a large weight had been lifted from her shoulders. From where she was sitting the view is breathtaking. Skyscrapers were kissing the sky as it turned from blue to tangerine to purple. Twilight was coming.

echoes

2007-12-13T01:25:00.000-08:00

She opened her bedroom window and feel a cool summer breeze blew softly. She sat on the edge of the window and lit her cigarette, staring into the darkening day. Images flashed like a moving pictures in her head. Voices of spoken words, echoed in her mind.

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
“No, I am not.”

“She doesn’t want me to go.”
“Why?”
“She said we could only dance together in dreams.”
“I don’t understand.”
“She said she’s at the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“And?”
“And she can stay only if I hold on to her.”

“Be honest, please.”
“I am. This is as honest as I can be.”

“She said she loves me.”
“She did?”
“Yes. We’re together now.”

If lies you tell can make it better and hopeless dreams can make your day, you don’t have to leave your friends, this is the morning. A calming singing voice floated behind her from the stereo. With a heavy sigh, Karen put out her last cigarette of the day. Her body is tired. Her mind is weary. And her heart is broken.